Part 136 · ~2 min read

I am falling in love…

with a man… With Flavio…

I am destroyed. All my certainties about my sexuality, all my fears overcome with time, my hate towards men… I love Flavio. Probably just because of his kind nature that reminds me more of a woman than a man. What the hell am I getting into? Mario keeps calling me and reminding me that we kissed. I never thought a playboy like him could consider a kiss a seal of love. He is back in Italy and doesn’t want to return to England, just because of me. He is trying to play on my emotional state. He thinks that I am in a strange mood because of him. He cannot even imagine what upsets me these days.

I love his friend, the nerd one. I am not sure I fancy Flavio sexually, but I enjoy listening to his few words. I like to look at him when he exercises because he is a clumsy athlete. I like his scent, the way he moves, and the way he greets and smiles at people. I find him a perfect match. Forget his position and his enthusiasm for things; he is just perfect, but with a problem: he is a man!

I am unsure about how he feels about me because he is quite cagey about his feelings and very shy. He sometimes seems to be all over me and makes me feel like a ghost. He has not been around this week, and I slept in his room on his pillow. I could smell his D&G 6 Amoureux. I even put some on myself when I went out last night with a lady I met on a chat. I didn’t go to bed with her. She was not my type—too much of a man.

I didn’t need this other shit in my life, but it seems like my parents are going to be happy! I am sure they will ask about children soon… Oh my God! It’s time to go to get a shower. I am going crazy!