Part 149 · ~3 min read

Three days have gone

and the two guys are on each other’s nerves.

I read Flavio’s diary last night, and he says that he is starting to hate Bonnie, but despite that, he still feels this strong sexual and affective attraction towards her. In his blog he writes a line or two every couple of days, in his diaries, he writes pages every single night. He fantasises about having sex with her, travelling with her, having romantic dinners, having sex in the alleys and so on. This attraction has started at a very young age. I am not sure when because the diaries do not start so early but, I assume, during their teenage years.

He hates having to live with her. He pretends that this is a fantasy he is living and a trial they are doing to check compatibilities before they get married. People’s brains are a mystery. He makes up things to justify any of his actions. He is always right in his diary; even events reported during the last months have been changed to suit him. I never thought that Flavio could be like that.

He talks pretty well about me even if, in his story, I am a male trying to take Bonnie away from him. He seems to admire me but wishes me all sorts of disgrace. I think he has written some of his pages after things have happened because he takes pride in having foreseen things that have effectively happened, and he claims he has informed Bonnie or me before.

What I find very particular about his story is that Mario is not there at all. If you write a diary because it is a diary, not a novel, put Mario somewhere: it’s far too clear that Bonnie and Mario are the same people.

When he talks about sex and describes his sex encounters, he concentrates most on his body rather than the girls he sleeps with, and there are many contradictions in his body description. This makes me think that he goes mainly with men and he does it when he is not in Rome. Even in Copenhagen, he slept with two girls. Most of the names he uses are names of men who have changed into girls’ names. I must admit he is an interesting character, and I would love to talk to him openly, but I cannot.

In the meantime, Mario is very quiet and suffers a lot. They barely talk to each other, and when Flavio is not around, he keeps asking me what I find in Flavio that he doesn’t have. My answer is the usual one: “Nothing.”

They would like to go out on Christmas Eve, but I told them that we would be staying at home and I would prepare a Neapolitan dinner. They do not seem too keen on staying at home with each other, and Flavio hinted at the possibility of going to his parent’s country house. Mario was happy, thinking we would have been left alone, but Flavio clarified that he meant the three of us would have gone there. I refused.

I got my plan for Christmas: Neapolitan dinner and English style piss up! Both the guys don’t seem to hold the alcohol too well, and I am looking forward to seeing both of them lost in the wine, beer, grappa, champagne and vodka that I am planning to drink that night.

I might sound nasty, but honestly, I don’t care!

Luigi, sorry I am not writing back to you, but I don’t see what I have to say to you: this is my nature, it’s the way I am, and don’t worry about me. I will come out of it clean and without any sense of guilt.