Part 100 · ~4 min read

I found this on the net…

Depression and taking the next step by The Mantis

‘I have been suffering from depression. It’s something cyclical. It comes and goes, but it’s a constant companion.

It can be bad or mild, but it’s there.

I am learning to cope with it without medication or drugs, mainly without doctors. I like to think of my funeral when I am depressed, and often, I dream about it. And, while at the beginning, I saw only my mother and father aside from my coffin (my sisters were busy on business, and my wife was getting married that day), now I see a crowd. I see so many people at my funeral that the biggest square of Rome could not host them all! Everybody talked about how nice I was, how good-looking I was, how smart and generous I was. Some even say that I was skinny and a good lover! (bulls*t!). Nobody says anything bad. Of course, when one dies, he gets all the wrongdoings of his life forgiven and forgotten, at least during funerals. Nobody exchanges business cards at my funeral, just copies of my latest emails announcing my decision to call the show-off. I am fed up with acting and rehearsing privately to be the protagonist, the main character of my life. Sorry, but no more shows. We have shut down, and for the grand finale, I have invited you all to my farewell. I won’t talk much that day, but it was expected. “How could we have possibly avoided this?”.

This is the main comment of those who have been particularly close to me during my life. I got a few answers… I have always wondered why there are no pissoirs but “thrones” in the toilets at home. The Throne gives you the idea of judging and being wise; it makes you similar to a king. In some cultures, kings and commoners dress like this. In our society, even destroyed jeans are different from similar jeans… The only thing that makes us alike is when we sit on the Throne. Well, this Throne allows us to judge and decide. Thumb up, you live, thumb down, you leave. So, as it is quite painful to chop the thumbs off and as the thumb is easily replaceable by its “neighbouring ” finger used to point and judge anyway, I would recommend removing the toilet sits from the houses and if the pissoirs are not liked, what about a Turkish bog? You can’t drown in it… They do that kind of thing in the movies and the cartoons.

“How could we have possibly avoided this?”. Well, the bathtub! Come on! Let’s get real! Why not a shower? Remove the bathtub… Too many movies, too many pictures, too many books. Very rarely I have thought about suicide in the shower. I am big built and I cannot even fit. If I fell, I would make so much noise that my neighbours 2 levels below would run to see whatever happened!

The keys… why do you have the keys behind the door? If someone is depressed, the key is the most powerful tool to allow this person to isolate him/herself. Remove the damn key from the keyhole!

“I know how you feel… A friend of mine has gone through the same thing, and now he is fine,” or “and now he is dead,” or “and now he is divorced,” or “and now he disappeared”. A friend… Everybody has got a friend who has been or is depressed, exactly like everybody has got a gay friend. How do you know how I feel? You would have helped me if you knew, but shaking hands with a millionaire doesn’t make me rich. Does it?

Perhaps you could have helped me if, instead of talking about your friend, you had told me that you were depressed. Even lying to me!

Razors—electric shavers are better. Razors are too much of a temptation. Electric razors, but not those you plug in the mains, those you plug in that low-voltage stuff.

Neon lights, forget the bulbs! Your fingers can replace bulbs… And I wouldn’t say I like the smell of burning flesh, anyway.

Medicines… Why do people keep drugs in the bathroom? Always wondered… Is it an invitation? Is it an association between being sick and feeling sick or getting sick? Not sure. Out all medicines from the cabinets!

How did I suicide? Close the bathroom door with the key. I slashed my wrists on the throne with a razor, but not before taking a cocktail of medicines and after lying in a hot bathtub… Thats it! It was easy, and I had all the ingredients. Of course, I didn’t leave a note, but I promise that next time I do it, I will remember to leave something behind… Something like “Sorry… Sorry for me, really… the reason I did it was…” In the meantime, the people who will attend my funeral will be more and more, and I will get nicer and nicer until the next and next funeral.’