Support The Mantis

The Pleasure

From Simona's diary...

I found Simona in the bathtub this morning.

Her wrists are open. The water is dark red.

She's been gone for maybe an hour. Maybe more. I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

Flavio is somewhere in the apartment. I haven't seen him. I can't face him.

All I can think is: I did this. My obsession. My coldness. My performance of care while actually being completely absent. I did this.

Not alone. But I did this.

Sonya was pregnant. Simona was drowning. And I was at the gym fantasizing about a different life while both of them fell apart around me.

I said I was trying. I said I was changing. I said I cared.

I was lying the whole time.

And now two people are dead because I was too selfish and too cowardly to actually be honest with anyone—including myself.

The police are coming. The doctors are coming. Everything is becoming a process that doesn't involve feeling anything.

Which is good. Because feeling anything right now would destroy me.

And I've spent my entire life avoiding destruction.

Comments

  1. luigir

    Mario, I can't reach you. Please call me. Please call anyone. You're not alone.

  2. therapist_Dr_Bernini

    Survivors of suicide loss often fixate on guilt. Mario needs immediate crisis support—not an audience.

  3. psych_student_2009

    This isn't a diary entry. It's a confession. Everyone in this arc needed help sooner.

  4. davide.ml

    Sonya deserved better. Simona deserved better. And Mario knows it.

  5. silvia_napoli

    Too late for warnings. Just... someone be with him.

Preset archive comments only — this site does not accept submissions.

Found this story meaningful?

Buy me a coffee