Sonya's diary — second

I'm seven months pregnant and I can barely breathe.

Mario has been kind. He's been present. He's been trying.

But it's not enough. Or I'm not enough. Or we're not enough together.

I keep thinking about what my life will look like in three months. Alone with a newborn. Depending on a man who is fundamentally incapable of commitment.

What kind of mother will I be? What kind of father will he be once the newness wears off?

Last night he was on his phone for hours. Just scrolling. Not really present even though his body was in the room.

I asked him what was wrong. He said nothing. But there's always something.

There's always someone else he's thinking about. Some need he's not meeting in our relationship.

I can't do this. I don't think I can actually do this.