Mario called

He told me about Sonya. About the pregnancy. About the fact that he doesn't know what he wants.

I told him to figure it out. That he owed it to her and the baby to at least try.

But even as I was saying it, I was thinking about Bonnie. About how I've spent years not knowing what I want and just... waiting. Hoping that one day the thing I want would suddenly become available and I could finally have my life.

What a waste.

I leave for New York in two weeks. I've decided I'm going to stay longer this time. Maybe the whole month of September. Maybe longer.

I need to be somewhere that isn't Rome. Somewhere that isn't near Mario. Somewhere I can pretend that this obsession isn't the defining feature of my entire existence.