Ten days

Ten more days until I leave for New York.

I've been thinking about what I'm going to tell Mario before I go. If I'm going to tell him anything.

The truth is that I should probably tell him the truth. That Bonnie doesn't exist. That I've been lying to him and everyone else for years about who I actually am.

But I know I won't. I'll make up some excuse about why Bonnie can't make it to the airport to say goodbye. I'll probably introduce some new detail about her that makes her feel even more real.

Because that's what I do. I perform. I construct narratives that are easier to live with than reality.

And I watch other people do the same thing.

New York is going to be different this time. I'm going to try to actually live there instead of just observing it.

Or maybe I'm just lying again.