She said no

Not in those words exactly. But the meaning was clear.

She said I was interesting. That I seemed capable of real feeling, which surprised her. But that she wasn't interested in pursuing anything with me because she was already invested in someone else.

I asked who. I was stupid enough to ask who.

Anneka, she said. The older woman who was there with her.

So now I'm sitting alone in my apartment drinking wine that tastes like regret and trying to figure out where I went wrong.

I think the problem is that I have spent my entire adult life believing that if I wanted something badly enough, I could have it. That the world would bend to my will if I just pushed hard enough and said the right things.

But Simona doesn't care about my will. She has her own. And it doesn't include me.

And now I'm stuck. Sonya is gone—possibly pregnant with my child. Simona has rejected me. Flavio is in New York. And I'm here alone with the knowledge that my charm and my performance and my carefully constructed persona don't actually work on everyone.

That's somehow worse than if they'd never worked at all.