Day of

Today is the day. I can feel it. Something is about to change. The way the light is coming through my apartment. The way my chest feels tight. The way I keep checking my phone to make sure I haven't missed any messages.

Sonya hasn't called in three days. That's good, I think. It gives me space to figure out what I actually want without her voice in my head asking me what she means to me.

What I want is Simona. I want to understand what's underneath the control. I want to see her break. Or not break, maybe. I want to see her truly. Not the version she shows at the gym. Not the protected version. The real one.

Is that love or just obsession? I genuinely don't know anymore.

Flavio texted this morning. He said he was coming. I think he's coming because he feels obligated, not because he actually wants to. But at least he's coming.

Lunch is at one o'clock. I should eat something. I should probably shower. I should prepare myself for the possibility that she might look at me and feel nothing.

But instead I'm just sitting here, chain-smoking and thinking about how stupid I probably look.