Something strange

Mario came to my Pilates class today. Sat in the back and didn't participate.

Afterward, he waited until all the other clients left. Then he asked if we could talk.

I said yes, which surprised me.

He told me about Sonya. About the pregnancy. About the fact that he's being forced to confront things about himself that he's spent years avoiding.

He said, "I think I was using you as a way to avoid dealing with my actual life."

I appreciated the honesty. I told him so.

He asked if there was any way I could forgive him. Not for rejecting him—I never asked for that. But for using his interest in me as a distraction from his own problems.

I said yes. I think I meant it.

He looked relieved. Like a weight had been lifted.

When he left, Anneka asked if I was okay.

I said yes. I think I meant that too.

Maybe this is what healing looks like. Not forgetting. Not even moving past it completely. But reaching a point where you can see someone who reminded you of your worst moment and not have your entire system go into crisis mode.

That feels like progress.